The new and improved defender of RPGs!

Tuesday, 25 July 2017

Pictures From Uruguay

Here are some more pictures from Uruguay, since I'm short on time.  Time for some more street art.

This is a mural done outside a religious school. Possibly by the students.

This one isn't.

Here's one that was done creatively in a niche.  The imagery is a mixture of Carnival and the local afro-latin folk religion, which are connected to each other.

Here's the one next to it, which is more new-age, I guess.

Finally, a couple of more cartoonish ones:

That's it for today!


Currently Smoking: Lorenzetti Horn + Argento Latakia

Monday, 24 July 2017

DCC Campaign Update: I Just Wanted To See Mu Struggle

When we left off, the party was hiding out in the armory of an Ancients' complex that has been overrun with servants of the Dark Ones (Brain-Eaters) plus some feral dwarves and a retreating band of Dark Elves.  They'd lost two of their number (Tonut the Cleric, and the party's manager/agent Chris), but gained a former Hooker. Half the party was also missing, having been on a watch and then just disappeared.


-Sammi the Hooker levels-up and becomes Sammi the Cleric. Switching from the world's oldest profession, to the second-oldest and far less honest one.

-"The character sheet we're using has the saving throws placed right next to the Ability Scores that modify them."
"I  never noticed that before!"
"It also has a shield for AC!"
"And a trapezoid for HP, the trapezoid being the universal symbol for health."
"Of course, that's why hospitals everywhere have a giant rotating trapezoid on their roof."

-"So how much should I charge you guys for healing?"
"It's usually free."
"OK, but the pegging is extra."
"Clerical healing is free? Have you guys not spent a lot of time around clerics in this setting?"

-"I'm looking at my notes here, who is Sammi?"
"That's my character, you know, the one I just leveled up?"
"Oh, OK, right. So who's Androman?"
"Wait... did you maybe write 'and Roman'?"

-"I wish we had a character named Androman!"
"Wouldn't Androman just mean 'man man'?"

(Androman is real! And possibly related to BOLT-0!)

-"I need money to reduce my disapproval if I'm going to keep healing."
"See? I told you it wasn't free!"
"So, you're really right back to your old job, huh?"

-The joviality is interrupted by the presence of a feral humanoid figure smelling of shit scratching frantically at the service duct grill.
"We kill it with fire!"
"Wait.. I think that's Mu!"

-"Christ, we lose him for 1 day and he reverts to a goddamn animal!"
"Hey, it was 2 days!"

-Sammi had not yet met Mu.
"What kind of monster is that thing?!"
"I'm not a monster, I'm a wizard."
"Wait, Mu's a wizard?"

-"Being all feral and covered in shit for most people would be a big humiliation; for Mu, it's Tuesday."

-"Where's Tonut?"
"Tonut is dead."
"Tonut's dead?!"
"Wait, which one was Tonut?"
"Your nephew!"
"OH! Yes, right... I'm so sad about that."

-"Chris is also dead."
"But before he died he transferred the right to your contract to us, so now we get to keep 80% of your treasure share."
"I refuse to believe that unless I see a contract."
"Ok, wait a second... hey, has anyone got any paper?"

-"So I was meaning to ask: what are all of you guys doing in this ruin anyways?"
"We're saving the universe."
"Yes, and believe it or not, this is the sanest, safest way to save the universe."

-The party having been reunited with Mu, and having rested and healed enough, they move on to the next room. It turns out to be the old water reservoir of the complex. And they find it guarded by Water Elementals!
"Be careful, they can only be harmed with magic!"
"Then we're doomed!"
"Goddamnit Mu, you're the wizard!"

-One of the Water Elementals swallows Kumar! But he quickly unretracts his retractable hoverbike and shoots out of it.

-Mu dives into one of the Elementals after casting Chill Touch.
"You do two points of damage, then the chill touch wears off and you start to drown."
"No I don't, I have gills, remember?"
"He's more of a freak than we thought!"

-Sammi made use of the spell we now call "Ack'basha's Sanctuary" to protect herself, and then backed away about 20' from the action.
"Kumar is hurt and could use my healing, but he's too far away..."
"He's 20' away!"
"So, so far.."

-Heidi fumbles and falls on his back.
"It's very wet here."
"That's what you get for running by the pool!"

-Mu is just floating around in the Elemental, whose internal body is now full of shit. He's desperately flailing around but can't get him out.
"This is your life now, Elemental!"

-Mu pretends to be drowning to see if the elemental will stop trying to pull him out, but the Elemental doesn't fall for it.

-"I guess Heidi's OK?"
"He's doing better than Mu's elemental!"

-Heidi flies up on his jetpack and divebombs the elemental! He does damage but of course goes right through the other side and slams at full-speed on the pavement, knocking himself out and destroying his jetpack.

-All night, the GM has been accidentally calling Heidi "Ack'Basha".
"You  know why? Because Heidi kicks ass now, and reminds me of his last badass!"
"He's even got a power armor!"

-No matter how hard Mu's elemental tries, he just can't get the slippery bastard out of his body.
"The funny thing is that if I was casting spells right now I'd be rolling really well!"
" probably wouldn't."

-"Mu's elemental now seems to have fallen on his knees, put his hands on his face and started to weep. The Elemental behind him is patting his back in a hopeless attempt to comfort him."

-Kumar and another elemental mutually off themselves, thanks to Kumar's chill-touch and the Elemental's high-damage slam.

-"Kumar is dead, guys!"
"Looting time!"

-Roman had run off at the start of the battle, when his sonic tool got soaked. He finally comes back in from the armory, his tool repaired, and starts blowing up Elementals with it.
"How the hell did you do that?"
"With... the powers of vibration. Yes, that'll do."

-"I got the thing you shouldn't get."

-"Roman, would you like to keep Kumar's hoverbike?"
"No, better not. There was a bike race in the desert once... things got weird. It's not a Vincent Black Shadow, is it?"

-"We should give Kumar a decent burial... throw his corpse into the reservoir."

-No sooner do they toss the body into the water, that a huge Water Elemental emerges from the pool.
"Mu, you fucking idiot."

-"Cheese it!"
"Yeah, but don't run by the pool!"

-Running away from the Elemental, they make their way into an exit gate. It looks too small for the Elemental to pass through and maintain form, so they run through, along a broad promenade. They suddenly run into a trio of terrified people running the other way!
They are a Blue Mutant Psychic Shaman, a Blue Mutant Orphan, and a human Lumberjack... or hipster.
"His trade good is a mirror; he's definitely a hipster."

-Turns out the trio were servants or slaves of the Dark Elf expedition, and the reason they're running in the opposite direction from the PCs is that they're fleeing the group of Brain-Eaters who just murdered all the Dark Elves.
"Do I know where the Brain-Eaters are?"
"Yes, they're in the opposite direction from where you're running."

-"What are your names?"
"How about we tell you after we finish fleeing for our lives?"
"We're not really in danger, nothing's after us. Well, except for 3 Brain-Eaters."

-The party goes into a room off the promenade, which triggers some kind of sinister memory in Mu's mind from when he'd gone feral. Vizi the Shaman uses one of his psychic powers to detect that Mu had a very traumatic experience here involving a kindly old dwarf and three wight-like ghosts.

-The party moves on to another room, one they hope is actually 'safe'. Inasmuch as anywhere is safe in this death-dungeon.

-The room has one broken door; so Mu tries to cast Ward Portal, finally turning into a man again. But it's not well cast, so he tries again, becoming a woman. Finding it insufficient again, he tries it a third time, becoming a man again, but to no great effect. Then he loses the spell.
"So is he a woman again?"
"Honestly? I can't tell the difference."

-"Should I spellburn to try again?"
"It doesn't really matter, Brain-Eaters can become ethereal and pass through walls."
"So we're all dead anyways, if they find us?"
"Why didn't you say that before?"
"I just wanted to see Mu struggle."

-The orphan is just desperate for affection.
"Hello, what's your name?"
"Hello Heidi; I'm Udin the orphan. Will you be my friend?"
"Oh, well, that's OK, that happens to  me a lot."

-"Hey Mu, do you want to know what happened to you back in that other room?"
"No, Vizi."
"So just to make sure, you don't want to know you were raped by ghosts? OK, I won't tell you then."
"You already said too much!"

-That night, an attack comes from the broken door. It's not Brain-Eaters, but rather Giant Bats!
"We shouldn't have stopped here, this is Bat Country!"

-Numerous giant bats swarm on the orphan, biting him fatally.
"I'm finally being adopted!"
"Is the orphan retarded?"

-Roman uses the Sonic Tool to make all the bats' heads explode.
"Take that you goddamn animals!"

-"I'll need healing now."
"I have shamanic herbs..."
"No, I need real healin-- wait, what kind of herbs?"
"'Medicinal' herbs..."
"That you smoke?"
"I will have some of your herbs, my good man, and I think this may just be the start of a beautiful friendship."

-The orphan is dead.
"Did he have anything of value?"
"Man, they get started early these days..."
"I'll take that rum!"

-"Mu was very expensive to heal."
"Well, his worth is.. not much, actually."

-The next day the PCs explore down the way the bats were. Going deeper into the complex they find their way into a huge chamber that took some serious damage at some point; the room is bisected by a huge chasm.
Vizi the shaman mutant uses his psychic powers, and sees a visions of ancients trying to flee on skyships when a terrible explosion cracks open the earth. It looks like everyone dies, but any remains of their skyships and possible cryopods would be somewhere down at the bottom.

-"G.O.D., please fix Heidi's jetpack"
"Your divine aid roll wasn't very high. Some cosmetic repair is done, but for the most part the jetpack is still clearly non-functional."
"G.O.D. did a half-assed job!"

-"I try not to look into the abyss, because if I do it'll probably look back at me."

-6500gp in sacrifices and divine aids later, the cleric has finally managed to repair the jetpack.

-"hey guys, over the edge there's all these bridges and ladders and shit. It looks like we could just walk the whole way down."

-It turns out that repairing the jetpack wasn't as useless as it seemed at first glance, since when they're about halfway down the chasm, the party gets ambushed by goblin archers!

-"I was just about to kill all the goblins, but then I remembered I'm a pacifist."
"Heidi's pacifism is very gradually wearing off!"

-"Are you present, Roman?"
"Its hard to tell, I'm on a lot of substances."

-The goblins were leading the PCs toward a Troll!

-"Wait a sec... water monster... goblins, deep caves.. are we in Moria?"

-Mu uses his levitation scroll to move away from the Troll, which throws Roman off the bridge! Mu is quite happy about this until he floats right into the crossfire of the goblin archers. They fill him with arrows and he starts to fall. Fortunately, Heidi saves them both.
"And you guys said there was no point to the Jetpack..."

-Unfortunately, goblin snipers kill the lumberjack. No one cares much, since it was pretty obvious that the Psychic Shaman was the one destined to become the new level 1 guy.

-The troll, meanwhile, tried to jump at Heidi and ends up plummeting to the bottom of the chasm.

-"The troll is still around... I can sense him."

-"can you decapitate a troll?"
"I intend to try decapitating him with this grenade."

-The PCs get to the bottom of the chasm, which is full of garbage from thousands of years of trash. One of them finds a hoverboard!
"What's a hoverboard?"
"There's two things you have to know about a hoverboard.."

-Vizi the psychic mutant, on the other hand, ends up finding a laser sword.
"So... he's basically a Jedi now."
"Wait, does that mean Heidi is Boba Fett?"
"I want to know if Roman is Palpatine..."
"Mu is probably Jar Jar."
"Yeah, I probably am."
"I don't like this game. It means as the only girl I'll probably end up in a slave bikini."

-The group finally finds the shell of a skyship with a number of ruined cryotubes.. but one still seems to be working.
"Always just ONE? We can't ever luck out with a backup?! Why??"

-The Cryotube has an ancient. He's an adult male, very large and muscular. Since Roman is the only one who talks ancient, the two have a conversation.
"He says his name's Mongo, and he's a great fighter."
"Oh shit, I think he might be retarded."

-The troll suddenly springs out to attack! He survived the grenade, but this time, the PCs finish him off.  Mongo rushes in after and stomps on the Troll remains, shouting like an imbecile.
"Told you so."
"It doesn't matter! We just need an Ancient. Even this one will do!"

-"Now we just have to get the fuck out of here and manage not to kill our Ancient."
"That's going to be hard..."

That's it for this session. Will the PCs manage to get out of the complex, without killing Mongo?  Stay tuned to find out!


Currently Smoking: Davidoff 400-series + C&D's Bayou Evening 

Sunday, 23 July 2017

What I'm Working On Part XV: The Red Lady

I continue to work on my "Pundit Presents" project; for which you'll have to forgive the briefness of this blog entry.

What am I working on right now? Another short but detailed setup of an adventure-seed/villainous-group for fantasy-medieval (or historical-medieval) OSR play.  This one is called "The Secret Order of the Red Lady", and it's a chaos cult with a twist.

Stay tuned, and hopefully in a relatively short while the Pundit Presents series will start publishing.


Currently Smoking: Stanwell Deluxe + Image Virginia

Saturday, 22 July 2017

Classic Rant: Handling History in Dark Albion

So Dark Albion is doing quite well, and getting some rave reviews. Included in this is praise for how thorough the historical detail is in the game.

Said detail may in fact be more than some readers guess: obviously the timeline/chronology is historical, the NPCs are also historical; but what some readers might not immediately grasp is that the historical detail doesn't end there. You might pick up that a lot of the information in the gazetteer of Albion and the lands of "the Continent" are full of historical detail, but it may be less obvious that the chapter on Law & Justice is based on real medieval concepts of crime and punishment, that the section on currency and equipment tries to be as accurate as possible based on known price lists of the period (which leads to what seem like some odd choices compared to the standard price lists of D&D equipment), and of course that the section on demonology is based on real ideas on medieval demon-summoning from the grimoires of the period.

Now, some people might be concerned that all this history is a bit of a double-edged sword. In particular, at first glance the lengthy and detailed year-by-year history, and the chapter full of the noble houses and important members of those houses might seem a bit overwhelming, in terms of just how to manage it all as a DM.

(even the crests are are based on real history, and not just greyhawk-style stuff)

So, assuming most of you aren't blessed with a History degree, I'm going to give you a step-by-step set of pointers for how to manage all this without really having to get befuddled with too much historical detail:

1. look over the NPC section. Pay attention to the families with a lot of entries: the Lancasters, Yorks, Nevilles and Percy being the most important ones.

2. If you're playing in a specific region of Albion, read the Gazetteer section, and check out which nobles are important in that region. If you are playing a game where you're travelling around Albion, whenever the PCs go somewhere new, check out the names associated with that area.

3. If you're playing a game that moves along in the chronology, pay attention to the entries in the chronology and look up any names that you weren't already familiar with.

You do NOT need to learn every character from the NPC section, especially since depending on which year you're playing in some of them won't even have been born yet (or will already be dead)!
Just use it as a resource to look up as you go along.

If you're using the PDF, you can also presumably search the PDF by region in the NPC chapter, to catch any extra details.

Remember ultimately the NPCs are there to add flavor, not to get hung up on with their various subplots, unless you're running a campaign where the PCs are constantly hobnobbing with the nobility. Conversely, if you're running a game where the PCs are mostly low-lifes (at least, for now), you won't need to know anything except the royals and the pretenders and your local lord's family.

So there you go, it's pretty simple really: use what you want to use. Don't sweat the rest! Happy Albioning!


Currently Smoking: Lorenzetti Solitario Rhodesian + Argento Latakia

(Originally posted July 24, 2015)

Friday, 21 July 2017

Here's Someone Else's Blog About Dark Albion!

Hey, I don't really have time to write right now.  I'm having a massive massive problem with one of my current projects, that I hope can come to a positive resolution. It came out of nowhere and is causing me a great deal of grief.

So, while I am busy trying to fix that, and I hope it can be fixed, I'll just draw your attention to this guy, who had already written a good review of Dark Albion and Cults of Chaos.

He's also now posted a good article covering the third appendix of Dark Albion, and dissecting that appendix. It was written by Dominique Crouzet, and presents a bunch of new classes for his "Fantastic Heroes & Witchery" RPG, for playing in Albion.

Anyways, go check those out if you're itching for something to read.


Currently Smoking: Lorenzetti Oversize + H&H's Chestnut

Thursday, 20 July 2017

It's Irrelevant That the New Doctor Who is a Woman: It's The BBC That's the Problem

So, before I throw my hat onto the ring of the commentaries about the fact that Jodie Whittaker has been selected to play the next Doctor, let me first talk about the previous doctor.

Peter Capaldi was magnificent. He was everything the Doctor should be.  On some level, I know that David Tennant is still objectively the best Doctor of the new series, Capaldi was my favorite Doctor of the new series.  He was brilliant, grumpy, exciting, witty and heroic.

He was also sadly hampered by some fairly poor production and bad schedules.  Until this last season. This last season was very close to perfect; the "monster under the Thames" episode being probably the weakest one, and the final two-parter being not just the best of the season, or the best Capaldi episode, but possibly the best of Moffat's whole run.

It's a pity that Capaldi's leaving, just when he finally had a chance to be great.  It's almost (but not quite) a pity that Moffat is leaving, when he finally managed to produce a consistently great season (he had a consistently decent season or two before that).

So that brings us to the next doctor, Jodie Whittaker:

It might surprise you all to hear that I have no specific objection to a woman playing the Doctor. I honestly wasn't expecting it. I had always thought we'd see a darker-skinned male Doctor first, if only because this would be less harmful for the BBC in its foreign markets while still gaining them all the needed praise from the Virtue-Signalling crowd.

But I agree with the fundamental point that, unlike some other characters, the Doctor has regeneration as one of the key elements of his persona. The Doctor could look like anyone, and have a different personality and yet as long as he she or it still had the fundamental qualities every Doctor has, they could still be the Doctor.

So it largely depends on the chops of the actor.  I haven't honestly seen enough of Whittaker to judge her suitability to play the Doctor, having only really seen her in a very non-Doctor-like roll in Broadchurch.
But I'm willing to trust that she at least theoretically could be capable of playing the role.

I don't have a problem with a female Doctor in general, or with this female Doctor in particular (until I've seen her in action).

But I DO have a problem with the BBC.

Here's why it will probably go horribly wrong: you can have all the confidence in the world in Jodie Whittaker, but if the production and stories she's given are garbage, her skill as an actor won't matter.

And I have a very strong certainty that what we'll be seeing from the BBC in the next season will be just that, absolute garbage. It will be 12 episodes of BBC Triumphalism about how "The Doctor is a Woman Now" combined with "Isn't That Amazing?", "Isn't She So Much Better Than Any Man Including Male Doctors?", and "Suck It, All You Gross Evil Men (And By Gross Evil Men We Mean 7-12 Year Old Boys Who Are Watching, We Want You To Know For Sure You're Doomed To be Second Class Citizens Now)".
Her character will be "Woman".  The plot will be "Woman". The entire premise will be about "Woman".  The villains will all be turned into metaphors for misogyny or the patriarchy if not themselves being outright sexists; expect at least 50% of them to make some derogatory comment about the Doctor being a woman, only to have the Doctor show them up with her "powerful female life force".  It won't be the least bit surprising if just to make the point clear, she helps to overthrow some obvious stand-in for Donald Trump and helps put an obvious stand-in for Hillary Clinton into power, possibly both in the same episode. Hell, possibly more than one episode.

So here's the tragedy of it:
Jodie Whittaker won't be allowed to be the Doctor, she'll be too busy being a bullet fired by the Identity-Politics Left against their perceived deadly enemies: male nerds, the ephemeral "patriarchy", little boys, women who refuse to be feminist, and a bunch of extremely conservative 'prejudices' no one actually believes in anymore but that the Left insists on still fighting as a strawman.

And while they're heroically pissing all over strawmen and geeky virgin shut-ins and little boys, the Leftist media will sing their praises in articles about how amazing the new female Doctor Who is, just like they did for Ghostbusters, with a hearty dose of vengeful spite thrown in.   They've already started, just for good measure.

And any criticism of the new series, any at all, will lead to the social-media Left accusing the perpetrator of such a thought crime of being a Rapist for daring to suggest the new Powerful-Female-Life-Force Doctor isn't utterly perfect in every way and a triumph against evil white men.

All this will mean that, just like before, after some initial large ratings from the sheer curiosity of a female Doctor, the viewers will start to abandon the series.

And just like before, when they do, the BBC and all the Leftist media will not accept any responsibility. Rather, they will use the dismal ratings and viewer-appreciation figures as "Proof" of the "toxic masculinity of nerd culture", going into diatribes about how it's the audience's fault, how it proves that little boys will never accept female doctors and need more indoctrination in schools about how awful they are, that nerds are hateful rapists-in-waiting and all of nerd culture needs to be torn down, how the UN should pass a law imprisoning anyone who says the new female Doctor Who sucks, and how all this means they just need to double-down on the feminism.

Now I really hope I'm wrong. But everything I know of the BBC tells me I'm right, and this is how it's going to go down. The only question is whether it'll end with firings and a regeneration (and if so, into what?), or with the show simply being cancelled, in the ultimate act of "punishment" against those evil rape-culture patriarchal misogynistic nerds (many of them women and girls) who would refuse to keep watching while the BBC turned their show into one long 12-hour Buzzfeed rant.

And again, none of this will have anything to do with Jodie Whittaker as an actress, or the idea of a woman playing the Doctor. In the hands of someone who didn't give a fuck about identity politics, the latter could be pulled off just fine.  I just don't think we'll ever get the chance to know.


Currently Smoking: Lorenzetti Egg + H&H's Chestnut

Wednesday, 19 July 2017

RPGPundit Reviews: These Stars are Ours!

This is a review of "These Stars are Ours", a setting book for the "Cepheus Engine" rules (which are themselves a kind of retro-clone of the Traveller rules).  This is a review of the print edition, which is a hardcover book written by Omer Golan-Joel, Richard Hazlewood, and Josh Peters. It's published by Stellagama Publishing.

The book's full-color cover has a Traveller-esque image of a spaceship, in orbit over an Earth-like planet (possibly Earth, since it's central to the setting), approaching what is either a larger spaceship or a space-station, I can't quite tell which. The interior art is black and white and rather sparse, but includes ship deckplans and star-maps.

I'm pleased with someone making an alternate setting for use with Traveller rules (or second-hand Traveller rules). I don't have any particular dislike for the Imperium. But I've always thought that Traveller as a system really doesn't need to be bound to one setting.  Of course, there are other alternative settings, most recently I reviewed Traveller:Mindjammer.  We'll see how These Stars Are Ours rates as an alternative.

The basic gist of the setting is that it is the year 2260, shortly after a war between of Terran Liberation against the mighty Reticulan Empire. The Reticulans (who look a lot like the 'grey aliens' of countless abductions from trailer parks) showed up en masse in the late 21st century, with promises of advanced technology, and the spineless world elites quickly handed over absolute power to them. Soon it became obvious that Earth had become a slave-state in the Reticulan empire. After various atrocities and failed rebellions, the Terran Revolution finally took off in the 2230s and gradually, after decades of war and with the help of a couple of other oppressed alien races and an internal rebellion among the Reticulans, the Reticulans were finally forced to sue for peace and give up an important chunk of their empire to the new Terran Republic in 2258.

 This led to the United Terran Republic becoming a major interstellar power. The setting is designed for (I quote) a "background of espionage, maneuvering and saber-rattling, and on the new interstellar frontiers the player characters can forge a destiny of heroes or villains of the new United Terran Republic".

The book details an area star-map of 16x10 hexes, with 64 major worlds in that area.

(note: the map in the printed version is in black & white)

We're told that to use the book you need the Cepheus Engine SRD (available through DriveThru) though I suspect you could also just use any Traveller rules.

The chapter starts out with setting material about the United Terran Republic, which frankly I think is a bit of an organizational error.  The chapter is very text-heavy, detailing the history of the Republic's rise (for like, 6 pages of pure text), then several more pages of society and government, ideologies, military forces, psionics, terrorism and other stuff.  It's a lot to read, and I think it would  have been wiser to start out with character creation (which often tells you a lot about the implicit setting) and then leave the heavier stuff for a later chapter.

Anyways, the very broad gist of it is that the Earth just won a war of liberation for itself, along with some alien allies, against a ridiculously older and more powerful species.  Now, on the whole, a spirit of optimism, certainty and expansionist thinking dominates the human race. I like that, it's nice to see a sci-fi game where you don't have everything being decadent or everyone being nihilist.

There is still a kind of Cold War going on between Earth and the Reticulans, and there's various major ideological schools of thought about that and and about expansion.  Some favor a focus on making peace on the Reticulans and leading them to change their culture through peaceful means. Others are nativists who want to more or less remain isolationist, then there's some who want to keep on a hawkish warlike footing with the Reticulans, and finally there's the 'hawkish nativists' (basically human-supremacist imperialists) who want a Terran Republic where humans dominate over the other species that are now in their territory.

As far as psionics in the game, the Terran Republic's position is generally benevolent but watchful over psychics. They are helped by a government bureaucracy to train their powers, but there are restrictions and laws about what are legal or illegal uses of psionic abilities.

Unlike a ridiculously vast majority of sci-fi settings, Corporations in this setting are not Evil by Default. That's certainly a nice change.  Most are just involved in business. One or two have some shady dealings, which makes sense, and one or two are very straight-laced and even 'moral' inasmuch as a corporation concerns itself with morality. What  you won't see here is what you get in a lot of other settings where "evil megacorps try to run everything and do evil things because they are evil".

There are some terrorist and criminal organizations in the setting: the more radical nativists have an ultra-radical wing called the "Children of Gaia" who engage in violent crimes against aliens. The "Consortium" is basically like the 23rd century version of the mafia, organized crime families. The "Exalted order of Fomalhaut" are followers of the Reticulan's religion (which was the state religion of Earth during the Reticulan occupation), who were declared illegal as 5th columnists during the war of Terran liberation, and today exist as a shadowy order engaging in espionage and infiltration on behalf of the Reticulans. The "Interstellar Liberation Army" consists of people (many of them "old guard" revolutionaries and military) who seek to restart the war and finish the job of liberating all of local space from the Reticulan Rule.

These are all fairly well-thought-out groups in the context of what the setting is about, and can make very useful sources of enemies or potentially patrons in a campaign.

The chapter on aliens is next, and starts with a detailed breakdown of the Reticulans and their empire. This includes details on their biology, their political groupings, their internal rebels (the Technocrats, who take the rationality of the Reticulan species to the conclusion that the Imperial structure of the empire is an outmoded anachronism to be overthrown), their military, and guidelines for playing a Reticulan character.

The Cicek are humanoid warm-blooded reptiles. They were the closest allies to the humans in the war of liberation. Cicek males are aggressive, anarchic, individualistic, and territorial, obsessed with personal glory. They were barbaric only a few centuries back before their world was conquered, so they still have a lot of relatively 'primitive' cultural features.

The Zhuzzh are an insectoid race. They're traders, scavengers and pirates. They're space nomads, with a shamanistic type of culture. They're pragmatic and opportunists.

Ssesslessians are reptilian snakelike beings. They were liberated by Earth but bear a lot of resentment toward Terrans, because they had failed to successfully plot their own liberation or revenge against their former overlords. The Ssesslessians had long ago been an interstellar power in their own right, but were brutally conquered by the Reticulans after refusing to surrender to their superior power, and their homeworld was rendered uninhabitable. They  have a complex polytheist religious system and are governed by their priest caste. They see themselves as tools of their gods and felt it was their divine mission to avenge themselves on the Reticulans (a revenge that the humans thwarted). They are skilled assassins.

The Chiwak are a birdlike species, though more in the "velociraptor" sense than, say, bluejays. They're carnivorous pack hunters. They were not slaves of the Reticulans but rather have their own stellar empire on the other border of the Reticulans from Earth. They used the war of liberation opportunistically to take a great deal of territory.

A couple of other minor species are detailed in shorter segments, as well as the "Precursors". The latter are mysterious aliens (this setting's version of Traveller's "Ancients") who had dominated space something around 15000 years ago, and then disappeared or destroyed themselves in an apocalyptic war. Several species (including the Chiwak and the Reticulans) claim to be descendants or inheritors of the Precursors.
There is also a much older 'lost species' referred to as the Gardeners, that some hypothesize spread relatively-compatible life around the whole area of space some 70 million years ago.

Chapter 3 deals with character creation, at long last. We're now 79 pages in, and while it was all interesting, it feels like a shitload of information before getting to how to make a character.  This is probably not as big a deal on account that most people getting the book will already be familiar with Traveller, but even so I think that (as my single big criticism of the book) it would have been wiser from a layout perspective to put character creation first (after maybe a very brief couple of pages of introduction).

The chapter starts out with some details about how to play alien PCs; the default is humans, but modifications and guidelines (as well as several whole careers) are provided if a GM wants to have non-human PCs.

The particulars will be immediately recognizable to anyone who's ever played Traveller. 2d6 for stats, get a homeworld, background, then start a career. All the standard stuff is there: survival, advancement, skills, aging, mustering out etc.

I'll note that it seems the Survival rules doesn't actually let you end up dead in character creation. But if you get an injury you roll and END check (with a penalty) and depending on how it turns out you can go from a range of effects between "cool scar" to "lose both arms, both legs, and blinded".  Luckily in the latter case, there's rules on cybernetics.  The character creation rules also cover psionic characters.

The Cepheus engine rules include a number of civilian careers which are listed as acceptable for this setting, but there's also a number of new careers which are presented here (16 in all) specific to the setting. This includes various alien careers, the CRC-8/16 (the Terran intelligence unit), CRC-32 (psionic intelligence), Elite (high class characters), Merchant, PRI (psionic, non-military), Scout, Terran Army, Terran Guard (irregulars), Terran Marines, Terran Naval Infantry, Terran Navy, and Terran Police.

There's event tables (as an optional rule), and also a War Events table (for events that the character experienced during the war), and a Civilian Events table.  A character can even end up in prison, and there's a table for skills gained while in prison!

Next up is the starship rules. These basically cover the differences for spaceships accounting for setting-technology of the book's setting (as opposed to the Traveller/Cepheus-Engine default).

A number of starships are provided, with floorplans, from different setting races.

The chapter on the Terran Borderlands starts by presenting the changes to the world-creation rules in the standard rules.  This includes a table for world temperatures, and some new spectral classes.

An overview is now presented for Terran space, with a standard star-map (Traveller Style), centered on the Terran Republic but featuring the bordering areas of the Reticulans and other races. All the planets in the map are presented with their world profile, and a paragraph or two of descriptions.  The whole thing is pretty rationally organized and the setting is (as one would expect) pretty coherent. The border areas and unclaimed worlds in particular provide a lot of rich potential for adventuring.

The final regular chapter presents a dozen patrons, outlined with a description, GM information, and a table of potential complications. It's essentially a small set of options for adventure seeds.  I think it is some ways a better choice than trying to provide a more rigid introductory adventure. The patrons vary considerably, everything from generals to celebrities to aliens.

There's a few short appendices. The first one lists some recent news items, five in total. They're all basically adventure seeds in the form of news updates.  The next appendix lists inspirations for the setting: literature is largely military sci-fi. There's Heinlein (Starship Troopers, of course), the Man-Kzin wars by Larry Niven, John Scalzi, and Barry Longyear's Enemy Mine, among others.  Film inspirations include the Alien series, Enemy Mine (again), Outland, and Serenity. TV has the expected stuff (Andromeda, Babylon 5, Space Above and Beyond; definitely NOT Star Trek). The longest list (with 14 items) is actually Video Games, including Wing Commander, Star Control and Mass Effect.

There's no character sheet, but I suppose that comes with the Cepheus Engine rules.

So, what can we conclude about These Stars Are Ours?  Simply put, it's a very well designed 'hard sci-fi' style of setting for Traveller-compatible use.

If you're a Traveller fan, and want an alternative to the Imperium, but not something that goes too far away from the Traveller standards, this is a good way to go.  If you want something that moves more toward the trans-human and modern sci-fi, you may want Traveller: Mindjammer instead.

If you like the sound of the setting, even if you haven't played Traveller before, you can always pick up the Cepheus Engine rules and run this setting.

As far as running it with other systems, that's certainly possible, though you might end up having to do quite a bit of conversion to get some of the more worthwhile stuff you get out of the character creation process here.


Currently Smoking: Davidoff 400-series + C&D's Bayou Evening

Tuesday, 18 July 2017

I Was Wrong! There IS More Than One Way to Play Blue Rose.

So yesterday I posted a classic rant about Blue Rose, and this led to a few comments. I wasn't honestly expecting anything to come of it, only sometimes it seems people post  more comments when a blog is reposted than they did back in the original article.  Maybe I'm ahead of my time. Or people have had more time to think of their opinions.

Anyways, someone commented to me that if I'm arguing Aldis (the Blue Rose setting) is a totalitarian state and the new edition of Blue Rose unashamedly presents the default gameplay of the PCs not as individualist adventure-seekers but as agents of that totalitarian state enforcing conformity, then surely I had to have the same condemnation for the Dark Heresy book for WH40K, where you play brutal agents of a totalitarian state repressing any non-conformity. Right?

Well, I certainly have no special love for Dark Heresy.  As a specific game, DH RPG is badly done. It reduces the WH40K world into a micro-game.

As to the WH40K world as a whole, the setting in its modern incarnation is ridiculously stupid, infantile, and the sort of thing that is appealing to violence-obsessed adolescents (most adolescent boys like big guns and explosions and killing, it's the hormones), and emotionally-stunted man-children.

That said, I don't really think Games Workshop is pushing an ideology they actually believe in through their setting. The authors of BR are.  The authors of Dark Heresy are not, to my knowledge, people who hang around on Fascist websites and call for the deaths of the unbelievers. The authors of Blue Rose are people who self-identify as radical progressives, "activists", members of "the resistance" and who organized a campaign to try to force/shame/intimidate gamers and game designers into signing an "#Gamers4Her" pledge to vote Hillary.  They want a world like Aldis.

One more thought, however, about WH40K: it wasn't always like this. The early era, the original Rogue Trader, it was funny. It was obviously written highly tongue-in-cheek. It presented a ridiculous sort of universe, a dystopia of black comedy.

And this made me realize I was wrong about one of my most frequent talking points about Blue Rose.

You see, I'd already stated that I thought the only way to viably run Blue Rose would be as a counter-setting game, where the PCs are heroic individualists fighting against the oppressive thought-control regime.  That Blue Rose fails even as a progressivist romantic-fantasy genre setting, because it is too perfect, too propagandistic beyond the wildest dreams of Soviet state artists, so that the standard romantic fantasy trope of "plucky young heroine fights against prejudice, injustice and/or oppression with a rag-tag group of social rejects and save the kingdom while changing people's opinions" is impossible to achieve. The only "plucky young heroes" that could face culturally-approved "prejudice, injustice and/or oppression" in the world of Blue Rose would be a teenage version of Ayn Rand or Milo Yiannopoulos.   The only heroic campaign (rather than agents of oppression) that could be played in Blue Rose would be the Heralds of Breitbart campaign.

But now I realize I was wrong.  There IS another way to do Blue Rose, as inspired by early WH40K: parody.  You could play a Blue Rose Campaign, as the designers suggest, with the PCs playing "agents of the queen's chosen guard", where the PCs are insufferably deluded "Social Justice Warriors" who just don't get how horribly dystopic their world is, or that they're actually fascists.

They run around persecuting micro-aggressions, and ultimately trying to out-virtue-signal each other by reporting on their fellow PCs.

It would be like a new fantasy version of Paranoia. Totalitarian black-comedy zaniness in the name of the Magic Deer.


Currently Smoking: Moretti Rhodesian + C&D's Pirate Kake

Monday, 17 July 2017

Classic Rant: Blue Rose and Just Who the Heroes Are

So the Blue Rose kickstarter has launched, and there's no question that it's going to fund, being paid for by dozens or perhaps hundreds of people who will never actually play the game, but will pay good money to feel superior to others for supporting something that is 'making a difference' in no actually discernible way, but in the sense that it has all the right APPEARANCES of giving pseudo-activist street cred to anyone who says they 'support' it.

I thought it was interesting that one of the first questions asked, in a G+ thread where Green Ronin announced the kickstarter was "just what would you actually do in a setting like this? Who would the heroes even be?" (The question may have come from someone with no prior experience with Blue Rose)

Steve Kenson responded "the adventurers are most likely members of the Sovereign's Finest, chosen defenders of Aldis and agents of its crown".

Hmm. Telling. 

See, Blue Rose is really all about pseudo-activist utopian visions. How they imagine that an 'ideal' world would be like (if all those evil patriarchies and imperialisms and whatever didn't get in the way), and just who they would like to see themselves as. After all, most RPG play is wish-fulfillment of some variety; but while most D&D players might like to imagine themselves a hero or a wizard, the Blue Rose writers (and fans) want to imagine themselves in a world where THEY are the enforcers who get to decide what is best for everyone else. 

So it's obvious when you think about it: in the default game of Blue Rose you are meant to play the Thought Police. Steve Kenson boldly admits it. That's the pseudo-activist dream: that they could have the authority to actually get to go around and impose their ideas on everyone else whether they like it or not. Naturally they see the world that would result from that kind of fascism to be a utopia, but so did every other fascist ever.

Ironically, this make Blue Rose pretty much the exact OPPOSITE of the kind of lesson-giving game on real social justice that you might want to see. 

In Aldis as written, you cannot play a plucky young heroine who is trying to make her way in the world and accomplish her dream while facing terrible cultural-based Institutional Discrimination, because there is no such discrimination in the setting-as-written, and the setting-as-written is not just 'absent of evidence' but is explicit in stating that the setting-as-written has no Institutional discrimination (except by the Blue Rose Scepter and Hart, against Individualists).
The lessons of civil rights or social justice are actually entirely ABSENT from the world of Blue Rose, and instead we get the lesson that the ideal world would be one where a special chosen elite rule by fiat and their lackeys get to use armed power to stop anyone who would resist the structure of that order. 

Let me put the problem in language a typical progressive might just understand: in Blue Rose's basic campaign, you're not meant to play the Ferguson protesters, fighting the power, you're meant to play the Ferguson Cops, brutally enforcing the world as they want to see it.

The hippies are turning in their graves.

And if you read that previous paragraph again, you would see that this 'lesson' ultimately is amoral: the "Order of things" is naturally what 'the right people' think 'is for the best for everyone', but that idea could just as easily be Nazism as it could be social-welfare. As soon as you put the Collective over the Individual, you lose all moral foundation for anything other than saying "obey because we tell you to". Claims that "we're different because we're the NICE guys" is meaningless because Stalinists and Neo-Nazis think they're the nice guys too. Anyone who decides that the right society is one where the State gets to impose its rules on individuals who have no rights to oppose it, and that the definition of 'heroism' is the armed fanatics that enforce Conformity to that status quo and brutally repress opposition are not the 'nice guys'.

If that's your definition of 'hero', then you've become the very thing you think you fight against.

I'm sure Blue Rose will be a very profitable kickstarter for Green Ronin, and everyone who backed it will get to feel smug about how they've shown what rebellious freedom-fighters for social-justice they are by backing a game where the heroes are the setting's equivalent of the Stasi or the Gestapo, so I guess more power to GR for being such clever capitalists and shamelessly milking bucks like parasites off of legitimate causes (albeit from preening idiots who would likely never have made any meaningful contributions to those causes anyways). 

Likewise, I'm sure that this article will be resoundingly condemned like all criticism of the pseudo-activist collective as homophobic or sexist or something like that, even though I've supported diversity in RPGs for my entire career, and even though my vision of the world is one in which every individual has an inherent and inalienable right to their own bodies, identities, and sexuality, while their vision is one where any such rights depend on whether the Collective grants it to you or not.

But hey, every villain thinks they're the hero of their own story, right?


Currently Smoking: Lorenzetti Poker + H&H's Beverwyck

(Originally posted June 22, 2015)

Sunday, 16 July 2017

Wild West Campaign Update: Chief Joseph

Today's session featured a couple of different major events, as usual.

For starters, the town was visited by a very nervous Army Captain escorting a small group of Nez Perce Indians, with their great leader Chief Joseph.

Chief Joseph was being sent to Washington DC to testify before congress, and meet with President Hayes. Unfortunately, he had won himself a very awful reputation for his victories against the Army a couple of years earlier. He was known as the "Red Napoleon".

So naturally, their guide was worried that when getting into Dodge, the locals would try to form a mob and kill the great Chief.

At the same time, the town was visited by the famous lawman Seth Bullock, wearing a US Marshall's badge, and sent to arrest none other than Marshall Jeff Young for murder.

Bullock had been ordered to bring Young in because Wyatt Earp, the Marshall usually preferred in the region, was thought to be too likely to be friendly to Young. Of course, the accusation was false. Young had recently gone south to the area around Ashland to intervene on behalf of some homesteaders who were being threatened out of their farms by a local ranch boss. Young suspected that the ranch boss in question had murdered the tinker that Young stood accused of killing, and had a farmer named Green testify that Young had dropped the body across state lines; all to teach a lesson to both the farmers and the Ford County lawmen that they were not to mess with the rancher's power.

Bat Masterson quickly realized that Young would likely be killed no matter what if he was taken to Ashland as a prisoner: either a mob would get him or the local judge would be firmly in the rancher's pocket. So he made a deal with Bullock: he was bound as a US Marshall to get his prisoner there, but once there, he would work for Masterson. Bullock agreed. They also took the Two Millers with them as extra muscle in case of serious trouble.

In the meantime Chief Joseph had got to town and Wyatt Earp had forced the Dodge House hotel to put the Chief and his men up in rooms. News of this quickly spread through town and the locals were none too happy. Kid Taylor was put in charge of trying to keep the Alhambra crowd from rising up in a mob, and Dirty Dave Rudabaugh was asked to help too. But Dirty Dave, as is his style, sold them out at first opportunity, and the mob, being led by  none less than town Mayor "Dog" Kelley was ready to go hang the Indian Chief. Not even Paddy the Bear could stop Dog Kelley's intentions.

By the time they got to the Hotel, the town lawmen (Bat, Kid Taylor, Bill Tilghman, Wyatt Earp and Jim Masterson) were all there, as well as Hale the Mormon ex-gambler. Bat appealed to the men to not risk bloodshed, and made a solemn promise that the chief would be out on the first train. For the moment, the mob abated.

(Bat Masterson, 1879)

Unfortunately for the lawmen, that night was one of the worst snowstorms in many years. By the time they woke up there was several feet of snow on the ground, and it turned out that the Santa Fe Railroad line was out for the day.

Meanwhile Bullock and Young got to Ashland and decided to visit this farmer named Green first. Green was scared out of his wits, and moreso after Bullock threatened him and his family some. He finally admitted that he was both forced by the Rancher to make the false accusation, and rewarded by the promise (probably false) that his farm would be spared.
Bullock and Young decided that they'd need to capture or kill the rancher, and take farmer Green back with them to Dodge to testify. To this end, they sent the two Millers into town to confirm the rancher was there. They did one better, posing as shootists to not only get to meet the rancher but get themselves hired to kill farmers.

In Dodge, Kid Taylor was given the task of keeping Mayor Kelley distracted enough to stop him from  raising another mob now that Chief Joseph was still in town.  Kid Taylor decided he'd try to overdose Kelley with laudanum.  He actually ended up giving the mayor enough laudanum to kill a normal man, but Dog Kelley was a lifelong heavy drinker and made of sterner stuff. He didn't even pass out, though he was fairly useless for several hours.  Under the pretense of getting him vital medical attention, the Mormon gambler had the town Doc distract Kelley for as long as possible. Meanwhile, Bat Masterson was working on some secret plan.

In Ashland, Bullock and Young decided to make a night raid on the apartments where the rancher was staying (ironically, because he was waiting for Bullock to arrive and hand Young over to him).  They managed to get in, quickly overpower the rancher's guards, and take the rancher and his son captive, all without firing a shot (at least in part thanks to Seth Bullock being intimidating as all fuck).   They rode off quickly with them back toward Dodge.

Over in Dodge, Dog Kelley was finally back into a coherent state, and extremely fucking angry.  He raised up his mob again demanding that the lawmen hand over Chief Joseph to be hung. Bat played for time, and had Kid Taylor sneak out of the hotel and over to the telegraph station to see if what he'd asked for had arrived.  Indeed it had, and Kid brought back a telegram, personally addressed to Mayor Kelley, from President Hayes himself!  It was thanking the mayor for all he was doing to personally assure the security of Chief Joseph, and that the nation would know of his great service.

Bat had figured out that nothing would stop Kelley except flattery, and true to his bet, Kelley immediately switched sides and got his mob to disperse. This in spite of not 12 hours earlier having cursed Hayes as a damn-Yankee son of a bitch. But the personal attention did it for him.

The PCs were left asking themselves if this was some kind of clever trick by Bat, or if it really was a telegram from the president himself.  Bat, as usual, kept his tricks to himself.

So that was it for the adventure: today, the PCs got to see the styles of two very different lawmen.  Both solved their problems without firing a shot, but one did so by negotiation, diplomacy and possibly trickery (Bat) while the other did it through aggression and brutal intimidation (Bullock).

Young thanked Bullock in the end, admitting that he'd learned a great deal of tricks from him in their short time together.


Currently Smoking: Missouri Meerschaum + Gawith's Virginia Flake

Saturday, 15 July 2017

What I'm Working on Right Now...

So, the Pundit Project proceeds.

Currently, I'm writing a little book called "10 Crazy Wizards".

Also, I don't know if I mentioned the previous work, "Quick & Easy High Tech Weapons for Gonzo Campaigns".

Stay tuned for more information!


Currently Smoking: Lorenzetti Horn + Argento Latakia

Friday, 14 July 2017

Actually, There may be a 4th Wave OSR After All; It's Just not Venger's

Infrequent or first-time readers might not have any idea about what the title of this blog refers to.  But you loyal frequent readers already know it's going to have to do with my earlier blog of a few days back, where I presented a rebuttal to Venger Satanis' claim that there was a "4th Wave of the OSR", and that this 'wave' consisted basically of people who made any game they liked and called it OSR.

That's obvious nonsense, but then something got me thinking. And that something is the book I'm currently working on a review for: "These Stars are Ours!", a setting book for something called the "Cepheus Engine".

If you weren't aware, the Cepheus Engine is basically a retro-clone of Traveller.

While D&D fanatics have been generating all kinds of amazing OSR stuff, there's been a whole movement of making new versions of various other games, or new settings for other games.

So maybe there's been a 4th Wave OSR for a while now: made up of games that do for other old-school games what the rest of the OSR does for D&D.

At least, that's certainly a better claim than any other attempted definition.


Currently Smoking: Lorenzetti Oversize + H&H's Chestnut

Thursday, 13 July 2017

Pictures From Uruguay: the Pundit's Cats

Last time I ended up featuring the new puppy the player for Bill the Elf got himself.  I figured this is pretty unfair to my own cats.  So, here's some images of them, in what ties for the most adorable thing I ever posted and is somewhere up there high on the list of laziest postings ever.

Here's the two of them together: Albondiga on the left, and Cletus on the right. They're twins, and yet astoundingly different.  Albondiga is the most intelligent cat I ever owned, also extremely athletic and energetic.  Cletus is by a long shot the dumbest cat I've ever owned (I seriously believe she suffers from some sort of cat-retardation), as well as being lazy and obese.

This is a closeup of Albondiga. She sometimes jumps from that window she's lying on over to the desk behind her which is something like 7-8ft away. If she were to screw it up, there would be a 10ft fall for her.  She's never screwed it up.

Here's Cletus, lying on her fat ass.

Albondiga, menacingly staring down at my gamers from her second floor vantage point.

Cletus, lying on her fat ass.

Albondiga, looking all dignified. 

And look! Cletus got up. She's occupying a significant chunk of my computer desk, begging for food. Also, she has a hilarious way of getting up there. Any other cat (Albondiga for example) would jump from the floor to the desk, end of story.  But Cletus is not able to make that jump. Hell, she can't even make the jump onto my lap.
So instead she jumps onto a very low-lying table, from there to a bookshelf, then walks all the way across the balcony and hops onto my computer desk. 

Of course, Albondiga has her moments of being undignified too:


Currently Smoking: Lorenzetti Egg + Gawith's Commonwealth

Wednesday, 12 July 2017

Classic Rant: RPGPundit's Random Fantasy Drinks Table

This should technically be a sort of classic rant, since it was something I had posted to my blog, about 10 years ago in fact. But that archive seems to have been lost to history, so instead I'm posting it anew.

Here is my once-famous table of random alcoholic beverages with silly names:

New Alcoholic Beverages
In addition to Ale and Wine, the average tavern or store is likely to have some particular “strong beverage” of house or local make; these specially crafted liquors have unusual names and often pack a very particular punch. Their cost will vary from 4sp-20gp per bottle depending on the strength and fame of the beverage.

Random Drink Names Table

(roll a D6; on a 1-2 roll on table A, 3-4 on Table B, 5-6 on Table C; you can roll again for each name element, or roll all the name elements from the same table)

Table A
Element 1 Element 2 Element 3 Element 4
1. Captain/admiral - Bernard - Golden - Ale
2. Doctor - Clara - Prancing - Piss-up
3. Bishop/archdeacon - Partridge - Menacing - Concoction
4. Count/duke - Bellows - Total - Recipe
5. Prince - Abelard - Shocking - Cocktail
6. Seargent - Chunder - Bellicose - Formula

Table B
Element 1 Element 2 Element 3 Element 4
1. Friar/father - Anselm - blue/green* - Mixture
2. Uncle - Pete/Jeb - Questionable - Spirit
3. Master - Roland - Outrageous - Cleanser
4. Lord - Melchard - Excellent - Paint-thinner
5. Madame - McPlop - Saucy - Industrial Blender
6. Crazy/mad - Kasimir - Bowelbashing - Orgy
*substitute any other colour of your choice

Table C
Element 1 Element 2 Element 3 Element 4
1. Professor - Edmund - Brutish - Liquid
2. Rabbi - Loretta - Bitter - Boozerama
3. Aunt - Percy - Erotic - Broth
4. Wee/Big - Doncaster - Elderberry* - Selection
5. Ugly - Wu - (un)reliable - Incendiary
6. Three-fingered - Gerald - Delightful - Skullsmasher
*or substitute any other flavour/ingredient (orange/liver/milk/gunpowder/honey/etc)

So with this table you can generate amusingly named alcoholic drinks such as “Father Abelard’s Total Pissup”, “Three-fingered Anselm’s Golden Recipe”, “Rabbi Roland’s Menacing Liquid”, or “Master Edmund’s Outrageous Selection”. 

Obviously, saving throws against getting totally hammered are typically called for.

This table, and many other tables of truly impressive variety and wildly disparate levels of seriousness, can be found in the "Forward... to Adventure! Gamemasters Notebook!" (or "FtA!GN!"), which was one of my earliest RPG products. A lot of the material there could be usable in any number of old-school or fantasy RPGs.


Currently Drinking: Madame Partridge's Questionable Incendiary

(Originally Posted July 4, 2015)